


A chance to say goodbye

by WritingforTheAvengers



Category: Dean Winchester - Fandom, Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, SPN - Freeform, Smut, i am so late to the spn fandom i am so sorry, i cannot write injury scenes to save my life, i've been thinking about this story for so long, located between season 3 and 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-09-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:21:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25818760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingforTheAvengers/pseuds/WritingforTheAvengers
Summary: Life after Dean Winchester was something you had prepared yourself for--well, he had prepared you for it. Meeting him happened as fast as when he left without saying a word. You waited, but then you got tired and started doing the one thing he told you to do: moving on. You moved on, and you were happy with your progress; Dean had become only a shadow from the past, but everything changes when he shows up at your door with an unconscious guy on his shoulders.You're tempted to leave him there, but you can't deny that you developed a soft spot for desperation, puppy eyes and Dean Winchester.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & You, Dean Winchester x Reader, Dean Winchester/Reader, Dean Winchester/You
Comments: 6
Kudos: 24





	1. A strange visit

You walked to the door with the phone still glued to your ear. “I might go to the party tonight, though I’m not sure, I just don’t have anything to wear, and I’m really not feeling it,” you said as you opened the door, but what you saw on the other side was not exactly the Chinese food you were expecting. “Uhh…” you stuttered.

“ _(Y/N), you alright?_ ”

“Yeah,” you shook your head quickly. “Uhh, I’m gonna call you later in case I decide to go, but my food’s here, yeah bye.”

“Sorry for barging in like this, but I really had nowhere to go and you’re the only one that can help me… Please, (Y/N). I’m desperate.”

“I haven’t seen you in years, Dean,” you said it without sounding excited—not even pleased—to see him. You could still remember every single detail of his face, but his expression had never been like this before. His face could say more than words did, and you were a witness of it a thousand times, but this time, he truly meant it when he said he was desperate.

“I know,” he shook his head, “but this is truly an emergency—my brother Sam…” he showed the man hanging on his shoulder, “he needs help.”

“Take him to the guest room, it’s right where it used to be,” you sighed heavily and let the two in. You’d regret it later, now you had work to do.

Dean Winchester and you met once upon a time at a bar. You were with your work friends and he was drinking with an older man, probably his dad, and you instantly developed a crush on the older one. You had a thing for older guys, so when Dean walked up to you, you weren’t exactly interested. But then you two started talking and he started paying for the drinks, and then you realized Dean was charming, hot, and he sure looked like he knew his way around in the bedroom. 

But what happened later was not what you expected. 

He drove you home and tucked you in bed. He took off your shoes and helped you get undressed but slept in the living room alone. He was decent enough to leave a note to remind you he brought you home so you wouldn’t be scared if you saw him, but that he would try to leave as early as possible. He left his number in the note so you could tell him you were alright.

The next morning you woke up to the emptiness of your home, but a reassuring feeling that no one had taken advantage of you. You called him to thank him and invite him over for lunch, or dinner, whichever suited him best, and later that day, he came around to eat with you and eat you.

You knew you didn’t have to feel anything for him, but he did all the right things to make you feel the butterflies, until one day he just disappeared. He was out of your life like a Band-Aid ripped from your skin. He warned that it could happen on day, but you never realized that it could actually happen. He did tell you to move on with your life, and so you did. 

You moved on, but 4 years later, he was back and with his brother unconscious and bleeding in your guest room.

“Okay,” you said as you put on your gloves. “Walk me through this.”

“We were out in the woods, hunting, and something hit his head very hard, that’s when I noticed he was passing out,” as you checked on Sam and heard Dean’s story, you could notice how much practice he had had beforehand. “He rolled down the hill and got multiple cuts from the twigs. He must’ve encountered a big one, look,” he pointed at a long laceration on his side. It wasn’t deep, and it wasn’t as dirty as one would expect from rolling on the dirt. You could tell from the story it was bullshit, but you let him live in deception and you’d ask later. “Can you help him?”

“I’ll clean this up,” you said, fetching some gauze and saline solution to get started on the biggest wound. “I need water,” you told Dean and he left quickly. You tried to lift Sam up, but he was way too tall and heavy for your arms. You wanted to take his clothes off to check if there were any other wounds to worry about, but only small lacerations from rolling down a hill. “So, hunting…” you said as you poured some water over the youngest Winchester’s side to clean. “Didn’t know you liked that kinda stuff, or that it was hunting season.”

“Yeah,” he replied, “it is.”

“Have you two done this for long?”

“Yeah, you could say so,” he said shortly. “Why?”

“I don’t know,” you placed butterfly closures on Sam’s skin. “To end up like this you should be quite clumsy or sloppy, which I don’t think it’s your case.”

“Uhh—” Dean choked. “Yeah—but, you know, these accidents happen.”

“Yes of course,” you agreed.

You didn’t ask anything else, since it was going to be a long night. There was still the problem of his brother’s unconsciousness. He didn’t even wince when you started cleaning the wound for real, and he clearly did not feel when you were moving him around. He’d probably be like that for a couple more hours, or maybe more. It takes a lot to knock someone out like that, you only hoped his skull and brain were alright. You touched lightly the area of his head and didn’t feel anything weird or that could be of concern.

“Well, your brother should be waking up in the next couple of hours,” you sighed heavily, taking your gloves off. “I can’t feel anything weird on his head—how big was the thing that knocked him out?” You asked. 

“Very big, why?”

“Just asking,” you shook your head. 

“Thanks for saving him,” Dean sighed heavily as he looked at you from the under door frame. “I’m really sorry for coming here after all this time, but I needed help and you were the only one I could think of.”

“It’s alright, your brother needed the help,” you repeated shrugged. “What’s his name again?”

“Sam.”

“So he’s Sammy?” You cocked an eyebrow, and before you could say anything else, you were startled by the doorbell. “It’s gotta be my food, can you pick it up? It’s already paid. I’m gonna go get cleaned up,” you were gone before Dean could even refuse. You came back to meet Dean on the kitchen, he seemed way too at ease around your stuff. “You were saying Sammy was your brother.”

“Yeah, why?” Dean shook his head quickly.

“I always thought Sammy was a girl,” you chuckled softly. “I thought it was like a kind of code for you cheating on me—I mean, being with someone else,” you corrected yourself.

“You know I had a brother, I know I told you.”

“Yeah, but you weren’t exactly an open book to begin with. I never knew if you actually had a brother or if it was just a thing you say, like when you put on or take away years of age when you don’t like the number, I don’t know,” you shook your head. “It was hard to figure what was true and what wasn’t… especially when you didn’t talk a lot about… anything really,” you chuckled again. “Being with you meant hitting a lot of walls.”

“You could’ve asked…”

“Would you have answered?” You narrowed your eyes. “Let me rephrase that, would you have answered with the truth?” Dean looked down and tensed his jaw, just like he did when he didn’t like the question or when he tried to make up a lie. “Don’t worry though,” you placed a soft hand on his bicep. “I hold no resentment against you, if you must know. Now come on, I think I ordered enough food for both of us. If not, we could order some more.”

Dean followed you to the kitchen in complete silence, feeling the remorse for how things ended between you two. He could still remember everything in the kitchen; the placements, the order, everything, even when the things were no longer the same. He could tell exactly where he made love to you in that exact same room. He sighed heavily, reliving those moments again in his head.

“Dean,” you said, turning yourself to see him, apparently, you took him out of his thoughts. “Dean?”

“Sorry, I was thinking.”

“Geez, so was I,” you smiled. “So—maybe you wanna change into something else? I might have some of your stuff in a box. Give me that shirt to clean it up. And I was also thinking we could eat out in the yard? It’s kinda nice outside,” you offered.

“Okay, to both” he smiled back. “Let me go get changed—”

“Dean, you can take your shirt here if you want to,” you pursed your lips, trying to conceal an involuntary smile. “Oh come on!” You complained. “It’s not the first time I’ve seen you naked, or half naked,” you shrugged casually. You turned around to get a pair of bowls from the uppermost part of the cabinet, but you couldn’t reach them well, so Dean stood behind you to grab them. His torso was very much naked and you were just as intimidated as you often were back then.

“What?” He said in a smooth voice. “You said I could change here.”

“I did,” you stuttered. He laughed heartedly and took a step back. You noticed his torso had less scars now and the print of a hand on his shoulder. You didn’t ask right then, you would leave the questions for later. “I’ll wait outside, okay?”

“Thanks,” Dean nodded and walked towards your room.


	2. The ugly truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After cleaning up Sam's wounds, you decide it's time for an interrogation. It's been years since you last saw Dean and all you want is some peace of mind.

You took a couple of beers and the bowls with Chinese food to the yard. The night was unusually warm, but you didn’t pay much attention to it since it had been quite an unusual day. You turned on the lights of the backyard to have a nicer dinner and Dean arrived with a shirt, but it wasn’t the one you had in your room. He later explained he had gone to his car to get something. The black Impala was parked on your driveway, and thinking of it brought the fondest memories.

You were sitting on an old patio bench that you were trying to get restored, but didn’t have the time to do so. You had your legs crossed, helping you come closer to your bowl of food. Dean was sitting next to you with his legs open and the bowl in between you two. Apparently, he hadn’t eaten in a while now because he swallowed the bowl in a few seconds; the beer though was going steady.

“Where have you been, Dean?” You asked before taking the bottle of beer to your lips. “It’s been a few years.”

“To hell and back,” he chuckled, taking a sip from the bottle.

“Why are you here? I mean for real,” you rose an eyebrow. “You appear at my door after years with your unconscious brother on your shoulder and I’m supposed to just be okay with it? Not to mention your scars have completely disappeared and someone must’ve patted you way too hard to leave a god awful print like that,” you asked. “I want the truth.”

“You don’t wanna know,” he chuckled softly again, trying to put an end to the conversation.

“Oh, I remember that line quite vividly,” you rolled your eyes. Dean looked at you with curious eyes. “Yeah, you always used to say that to me. Look, I never asked you for anything—going on dates? Nope, never,” you shook your head. “Asking to meet your family? Nope, not if I could avoid it. Everything I know, I know because you told me, whether that was a lie or not,” Dean looked away and clenched his jaw. “But whenever I tried to get past the wall you had,” you said after a pause, making him look at you again, “you were always saying that,” you took another long sip. “You don’t wanna know, you don’t wanna do that… Apparently that, babe, and good girl were your favorite things to tell me,” you looked at Dean who was biting his bottom lip. “This one time you dad was in town, I told you to call him so he didn’t stay at a motel. He could’ve perfectly come here, stay the night and then leave, but then you were all like, no you don’t wanna do that,” you faked a deep, manly voice.

“(Y/N)—”

“I didn’t want to meet your dad, not in that way—in any way really. You don’t do parents, I get it,” you spat. “I just wanted to save him some money. So you’re gonna grow a pair now and tell me what the hell is going on, because I’m two seconds away of kicking you and your half-dead brother out of here,” you threatened, even though you knew you wouldn’t do it. You had a soft spot for Dean, especially after all these years of absence. 

“Sam and I are hunters,” Dean growled. “We hunt… paranormal, supernatural stuff. The world is full of them, actually—demons, angels, vampires, werewolves… you name it,” he seemed way too serious to be faking it. This story didn’t seem like the one he told you about how his brother got hurt. “We inherited this shitty ass job from our dad—the guy I was with when we met. Back then we were stopping by here from a case, sorta’ taking a day off. Now, Sam and I—we—we’re here on a case; turns out that people are dying in very strange circumstances and we’re investigating it, and hopefully we’ll end whatever it’s causing trouble. Sam got hurt and I came here. At first I was just driving away from the scene to help him myself, but then I realized I was parking outside your place.”

“And the hand on your shoulder?” You asked bluntly.

“Remember I said I’ve been to hell and back?” You nodded. “I meant it very literally. I died, and an angel pulled my ass out of there. Someone wants me here, but I’m not so sure why.”

“Are you lying to me now?” You narrowed your eyes, trying to look menacing but failing miserably.

“No—you asked for the truth, and sometimes… the truth just sucks.”

You stayed in silence trying to process all that you heard, but since it was a lot, you just said. “Yeah, agreed,” you nodded and took a sip from your beer. “So, hell, huh? How’s that like?”

“Not as fun as you’d think,” he clicked his tongue. “I didn’t see lady devils dancing in little clothing. It was hot as shit though,” he nodded and laughed, though you could read right through his bullshit. That was something you wouldn’t ask again. “I missed this.”

“What?”

“Calmness,” Dean looked at you with a serious expression. “I remember when we ate here on summer,” he looked up at the sky. “I felt the same peace I feel now. I mean, Sammy almost doesn’t make it, but still… there’s peace. And then there’s you.”

“You can always quit and stay here…” you left both your empty bowls on the ground and hopped closer to him, resting your head on his shoulder. “It’s a shitty job anyway.”

“(Y/N), look at me,” he placed a hand underneath your jaw and made you look up at him. He had the same look from the last night you slept together—it was a mix between misery and longing, and you realized why he looked at you that way that night. He was leaving again, probably for forever, and he wasn’t sure he’d even make it alive. 

It broke your heart to see him like that—you loved him, you still did; even if you had moved on, Dean Winchester had earned his place in your heart and no one could ever take that from him. Not even himself.

He leaned forward, placing his lips against yours softly. His jaw trembled, as if he was nervous to be near you again, or as if he was crying—that last one, you realized soon after.

“Dean, what’s going on?” You dropped your empty bottle to the ground and placed both hands on the sides of his face. “Hey, it’s alright—I’m here,” you pulled him closer to you and wrapped your arms around his shoulders. Soft sobs escaped from his lips as you caressed the nape of his neck. “It’s okay, honey…” you shushed. “I’m right here.”

He took a deep breath and looked at you again. “I just—” he choked—“when I was down under I thought of all the things I never got to do. I never got to tell you goodbye,” he shook his head. “I never got to take you on a real date. I never got to show you the real me… but now that you’re seeing it, I… I just don’t feel any better.”

“Dean, don’t do that,” you bit your bottom lip. “What happened between us… well, that just happened. It cannot be changed, even if we want to. God, there’re so many things I’d love to change, but if I did, neither of us would be right here… You live and learn, Dean, and…” you shrugged. “And you grow, and if you get a second chance, you make things better,” you smiled gently.

“You’re way too good to me.”

“Dean—I don’t hate you,” you kindly reminded him. “I begin to understand a bit about your job now, and why you were so secretive about it… Come on, let’s get inside, it’s been a long day,” Dean nodded quickly.

You held Dean’s hand and walked him towards your bedroom. Dean looked around him and tried to match his memories to what he was seeing, and a lot of things had changed in a couple of years. Your bed was different, as well as the bedding; the things on your wall were almost entirely new too and they all matched the personality. He did recognize a couple of things, like your pictures with your friends and family.

Now that he had you completely for himself, he grabbed your waist roughly and pulled you closer to him to kiss you passionately. You wanted to give in to him, it had been a thought over the course of the evening, but sex was the least thing he needed, and though you were very tempted, you pushed him away and decided it was better that way. He gave you a confused look.

“Wait for me here,” you walked away towards the bathroom.

“Where are you going?” Dean held your hand tightly, afraid of letting you go. “Don’t go—we can…”

“I don’t think you’re in the mood of that, at least not really,” you placed a hand on his cheek. “We could take a bath, it’s been a bit of a long day, especially for you.”

“I haven’t taken a bath in forever. It’s all showers now,” he huffed a breathy laugh. “I think my last time was with you, and it’s been like a lifetime from that. You sure you wanna do that instead of… you know,” he rose his eyebrows quickly. Even though there was a tsunami of emotions going through him, his sense of humor was untouched. 

“Do you really think you can do it?” You folded your arms and cocked an eyebrow. “I mean, I know I can, but you? You seem a bit worn out, at least for today.”

“You win this round, woman.” Dean admitted in defeat. “Besides, I _am_ a bit tired.”

“Alrighty, I’ll get the water ready.”


	3. The next morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What have you done all these years?” Dean asked. “You look great, you seem to be great.”
> 
> “I just worked,” you replied shortly. “You told me that if one day you didn’t come back, I had to just move on, and so I did,” you shrugged, staring at a blank space. “I wanted to call you. I wanted to ask why you left me, if it was because of me but… "

Dean followed you to the bathroom and as you got the water running, you tied your hair in a messy bun to keep it from getting wet. You then gathered strength to undress in front of Dean; it had been years since you were naked in front of him.

The nakedness of your body made you self-conscious, though he had seen you like this before, it felt incredibly different now. Your body was different, it had other curves, and Dean was different too; not only from the lack of scars and other battle wounds, but now that he confessed his deepest and darkest secrets, he had this aura of vulnerability you had never seen before in him. If anything, he was more attractive now.

You tried to cover yourself, but Dean grabbed your arms softly and looked straight at you. He didn’t say anything—he didn’t need to, but he pulled you closer to kiss you deeply.

He got in the tub first, and he helped you get inside. You leaned against him, with your back pressed against his chest and his arms wrapped around your stomach under the water.

“Oh boy, do I remember this,” he said, placing soft, feather-like kisses on your shoulder. “You and I, here…” he smiled nostalgically. “We’d come out all wrinkly,” he giggled softly. “Do you remember?”

“It’s all coming back to me now,” you agreed.

“What have you done all these years?” Dean asked. “You look great, you seem to be great.”

“I just worked,” you replied shortly. “You told me that if one day you didn’t come back, I had to just move on, and so I did,” you shrugged, staring at a blank space. “I wanted to call you. I wanted to ask why you left me, if it was because of me but… I was afraid that the answer would’ve been yes. I thought I was too intense, that I had too many feelings… I kept thinking to myself that I was the one who screwed up… but then I kinda settled for blaming you for not being able to keep up with me. Sorry,” you tugged at your bottom lip.

“Sorry for making you feel like that,” Dean sighed heavily as he kissed the back of your head and his soapy hands roamed up and down your arms. “If anything, I loved my time with you, and yes it was intense, but in a good way. If you must know, I hated leaving you. I’ve done many hard things in my life, but leaving you… damn.”

“I kinda understand now why you did it, but I’m not gonna lie to you—it hurt like shit,” you chuckled.

“I’m really sorry, doll,” he apologized wrapping you in his wet arms. “I… just didn’t know how to explain what I do for a living. I haven’t met anyone that’s as accepting… Unless it’s another hunter.”

“It’s okay,” you placed a hand on one of Dean’s arms that was across your chest and gently caressed it. “If I die soon, I’m gonna die with an answer. It means a lot to me, you know.”

“And it means a lot to me that you’re so understanding. I mean, you could throw something at me, especially for having come here with my bloody brother, quite literally.”

“It brought me memories from the past,” you said in absentmindedness. “And it brought you back too… I guess that’s not so bad… Dean, I’m sure you’re not gonna stay for long, you have work to do but… can you say goodbye this time?” Though Dean’s silence was breaking your heart, you couldn’t have your heart broken again like that, especially not a second time by the same person. “Dean?”

“Sorry,” he shook his head. “It’s just that… I just got here, but yeah. When I leave, I’ll say goodbye, I swear.”

“Thanks,” you breathed deeply and leaned back against his chest again. It was warm, unlike the water that was starting to lose temperature. “We should go to sleep, it’s getting a bit cold.”

“Yeah, besides I’m dying to sleep with you. I had my best nights of sleep when I was with you.”

“So did I,” you pulled yourself up and got out of the tub carefully. You wrapped yourself with the towel until you were dry enough to leave the room without making a mess. Dean followed you soon after.

You slid the shirt you used for bedtime down your torso and your whole body felt heavy and tired enough to fall asleep quickly. You got under the covers with Dean by your side. It was so unreal to have him back after all these years that you feared that it was just a mirage and that you’d wake up in the middle of the night all alone.

Dean turned off the lights and you rested your head on the pillow ready to get some sleep, but your mind raced with the images of the past couple of hours. Dean’s face of despair came back like a flash to you. He was so heart broken, like he had lost all hope and you were the only beacon of light.

“(Y/N), are you still awake?” Dean whispered, and since you were very awake, you hummed a response to him. “Can you… scoot closer? I just—” he chuckled softly—“I just wanna have you near me. It’s been years and you wanna sleep so far.”

You rolled off on your side and snuggled closer, hiding your face under his chin. It was just like the old times, and it seemed like nothing in his anatomy had changed at all. You still fit perfectly against his body. You thanked the angels for not changing him, though from his side of the story, these angels weren’t exactly the chubby babies in pictures.

Dean kissed your forehead and tightened his embrace, helping you doze off almost immediately.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last night had been quite weird, and you weren't sure if it was real that Dean had crashed your place with his brother. The conversation about demons, hell and nasty creatures were almost dreamlike, and deep inside, you wished it was that, but finding Dean Winchester's naked back the next morning was a reminder of how real everything was.

You rolled on your back and stretched yourself. Yesterday had been a bit of a long day since the Winchesters busted through the door—Winchesters. Dean.

You tapped the bed with your eyes closed, trying to feel if Dean was still there, and when you found a human back on the other side of the bed you felt somewhat relieved. You opened your eyes slightly and found Dean fast asleep next to you.

It hadn’t been just a dream.

You stood up to go to the bathroom and when you came back, Dean was slowly waking up. You cuddled closer to him, updating the memories you had of waking up with him. They were pretty similar to this moment, but now that you had the certainty that you wouldn’t see him in maybe forever, you cherished him and his embrace a lot more.

“Hey, sleepy face,” he hummed, placing a kiss on your cheek. “How did you sleep?”

“Oh, so good,” you replied in delight. “And you?”

“Amazing—best night ever. Your bed is comfortable, it’s a new mattress right?” You nodded. “Yeah, this is the good stuff,” he said in a melodic voice. “Nothing against motel beds, but this…” he moaned0, “you can’t top this. And my company, of course,” he pecked your lips softly.

“You’re so full of shit,” you laughed heartedly. “Dean…”

“Yup?”

“Can you make breakfast?” You pouted. “I’ll go check on your brother.”

“Okay,” he nodded and kissed your lips again before getting up.

You put on a long hoodie and went to see Sam. He had a better color and the wound seemed to be healing just fine. You put on a couple of gloves and gave the youngest of the Winchesters a closer look. He looked so peaceful when sleeping, just like Dean; it was just as if the worries of the world would just disappear when they closed their eyes. You cleaned the wound and he started twisting groggily in bed.

“Sleep a little bit longer, Sam,” you took off your gloves and pressed a hand against his forehead. He breathed deeply, calming himself down even while barely conscious. “It’s okay, you’re safe.”

Sam’s reaction didn’t last long, he fell asleep again and breathed softly and steadily, both good signs. You were sure Sam had gone through worse and made it out alive, this was like a mere scratch on a long list of wounds and others, you didn’t discard the idea of him having died at least once. You wondered if the brothers kept count of how many times they had been close to death or something, like in a notebook or something.

Of all the good things that Dean had as a person, the ability to make breakfast was probably your favorite thing. He made the simplest pancakes and bacon taste amazing. He looked so happy, so at ease, and whenever he turned around to see you, he was wearing a smile so wide and so full of light that you if you didn’t know what you knew now, you’d beg him to stay.

After breakfast, you offered to clean up, which was convenient since he had some stuff to do. You didn’t ask for details, but you did give him a list of groceries you hadn’t had the time to buy; he promised to be back before you knew it, and you hoped it meant without a scratch. You were humming quietly while drying the dishes when naked footsteps caught your attention.

“Sam, you’re awake!” You cheerfully said as you saw the youngest Winchester walking inside the kitchen. He looked disoriented and groggy. “Come sit here and I’ll get you something to eat—I’m (Y/N) by the way,” you chuckled. “I’m friends with Dean.”

“What happened? Why do I feel so thrashed?” Sam rubbed his eyes with his hands.

“I don’t quite know about the dirty deets, but Dean brought you here with a foot on the other side. He was scared to death—I mean really freaking scared. To talk about death seems a bit insensitive, right?” You chuckled softly, hiding your grin behind your palm. Sam chuckled breathily too, but he winced in pain soon after. “Hey no, no emotions for today, okay?” You poured freshly boiled tea in a mug and put it closer to him. “And eat well.”

“Yeah, noted,” Sam nodded his head and grabbed the warm mug to heat his hands. “Where’s Dean?”

“He had a few errands to run,” you pursed your lips as you got the toasts for him. “Eat something, it’s gonna make you feel better,” seemed like you were trying to take care of yet another Winchester. The mere thought made you sigh heavily. “Here ya go,” you placed the toasts on a place and handed it to him.

“Thanks,” Sam smiled and sighed in relief, taking it slow with the food. “Can I ask you something?” His brows knit. “How did you know how to keep me alive? From the pain I’m feeling, I think took a big hit.”

“I’m a doctor. I used to work in the army,” you replied, taking the seat in front of him with your second cup of coffee of the morning. Sam opened in eyes in awe, curious to hear your story. “I got deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan a couple times, and then I worked with the peace corps in Haiti, but that didn’t end too well, so now I’m working at a clinic here with a couple of friends.”

“What do you mean it didn’t end up well? I mean, only if you wanna tell me. I don’t mean to pry.”

“I saw some things happening in Haiti—some nasty things. I reported that but I was met with indifference and apathy,” you sighed heavily. “It’s hard to do your job well when the whole system is corrupted,” you hung your head.

“You’ve had quite a moved life,” Sam commented, placing the cup to his lips. “Don’t we know about that—so how does Dean come in the picture?”

“Well, we met at a bar a couple of years ago, and that was pretty much it,” you shrugged one shoulder casually. “We drank, but then I got too wasted and he drove me here,” you covered your eyes with your free hand in embarrassment. “He stayed the night and left a note with his number telling me he hadn’t taken advantage of me. He was really nice, very gentleman-like.”

“That doesn’t sound like him,” Sam pursed his lips, trying hard not to laugh. “Look, I really don’t mean to be nosy or anything, but I kinda feel like it’s not _just_ that. I mean, you let him in with me after what I can only assume is a lot of time, and I think you guys haven’t spoken in a while…” Sam’s request for more information was really similar to when Dean asked you for deeper explanations on stuff.

“Geez, you sounded just like Dean,” you placed a hand on your chest and laughed heartedly. “Look, it’s very hard to describe what we were, because we never put a label on it,” the images of your relationship flashed again in your brain. “We were together,” you stated, “but he was always telling me to move on, to try not to catch feelings, because his job was very demanding and he could be gone any day without a warning.”

“But you caught feelings?” Sam dug deeper in the vague and hazy relationship you once had with his brother.

“I think so,” you acknowledged. “It’s hard to know—he would go away for a couple of days, but then he’d come back again… I couldn’t stay mad at him for long,” you clicked your tongue. “I just have a thing for lost causes.”

“How so?”

“I mean, I like broken guys because I think I can fix them. It’s an issue, it sucks,” you shook your head. “I think we can agree that your brother isn’t exactly boyfriend material; he clearly has a drinking problem, he has a serious fear of commitment, he’s just not a person made for a relationship, and I think that was what I liked the most about hm,” you guiltily admitted. “He’s got good stuff too, like… opening jars and killing spiders—god, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be talking about your brother, especially with you.”

“It’s okay—I love him to pieces, but he can be a real pain in the ass.”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I was kinda trained to not miss him, but it hurt like crap when he didn’t return,” you gulped. “Besides, being with him was like crashing onto a brick wall all the time. I knew he had a brother, but he never talked much about you, or your father. Dean is a complete mystery when he wants to, and until last night, he was still a huge puzzle to me.”

“Tell me about it,” he agreed, nodding his head. “For what it’s worth, I’m really thankful that you don’t hate him, and that you let him in—us in.”

“Unfortunately, I happen to have a soft spot for puppy eyes, desperation, and half-dead guys like you,” you rose your palms in defense and shrugged. “I’m gonna go get a shower,” you patted the table. “Feel free to wander around the house, but my suggestion is that you don’t move too much. Indulge yourself with some crappy TV, eat light if you must, and no coffee.”

“Yes ma’am,” Sam nodded. “Again, thanks for letting us in.”

You pointed a finger gun at him before leaving the kitchen.


	5. Kiss and make up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You loved Dean Winchester, and you wouldn’t even try to deny it. After all these years you still loved him to pieces and no matter how many times he left, he’d have his place in your heart untouched. So many things clicked now, so many walls were tumbling down like dominoes, so many secrets were unveiled, and though it was hard to keep up with everything that Dean had said in the past day, you were trying your best to process it all.

“Dean, your brother’s in the next room,” you whispered softly, trying to focus on your words and less on what Dean was doing in between your legs.

“Sammy’s a big boy, don’t worry,” he circled your clit with his tongue and you tugged at your bottom lip harshly. Your back arched away from the mattress almost immediately. “He can handle a few moans,” he teased, knowing damn well you didn’t _just_ moan.

“Dean, I mean it…”

He sighed heavily and crawled his way back up to you. “What’s wrong?”

“I heard you talking to Sam earlier,” you thumbed his cheek lovingly. “So, you guys are planning on leaving tomorrow morning.”

“Yeah,” Dean nodded, and in his voice there was a note of melancholy. “Our job is done here, and we gotta get going, but we’re leaving tomorrow so you and I could have a last night together…” he got up in a seating position, his back facing you. “And I was thinking we could probably spend it doing something nice.”

“Dean…” you propped yourself on your elbows, “did you ever think of us as more than what we were?” You asked softly, fearing your voice would break. “Not like marriage and stuff, but…” you hesitated. “I mean something more than we were but less than marriage… No—you know what? Nevermind,” you shook your head and laid back on the bed, but unsure to even want to be with Dean in the same room anymore.

“(Y/N), it’s not like I didn’t think of settling down here,” Dean turned around to face you even though the room was pitch dark. “But people like me, hunters…” he gulped, “we don’t get to settle down. We can’t have ties with normal people, because we’re magnets for all kinds of bat-shit crap. And you were so important to me—and you still are, that if something happened to you, I’d freaking die, you know?” His hands clenched in tight fists. You took a sitting position on the bed, crossing your legs. “I was thinking on leaving as soon as Sam woke up, because if what I hunt finds you… then I would never forgive myself for putting you in danger. Do I wanna drop everything and stay here? Of course I do—damn, I would’ve done it years ago, but this shit always finds you,” his eyes were like shiny gems in the dark. “Don’t doubt for a minute my feelings for you, and that being here has made me relive all of that,” he grabbed your hand and kissed it tenderly.

You loved Dean Winchester, and you wouldn’t even try to deny it. After all these years you still loved him to pieces and no matter how many times he left, he’d have his place in your heart untouched. So many things clicked now, so many walls were tumbling down like dominoes, so many secrets were unveiled, and though it was hard to keep up with everything that Dean had said in the past day, you were trying your best to process it all.

“(Y/N)?” Dean moved your leg gently, dragging you out of your thoughts. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” you breathed heavily and rested your chin on your hands. “I just… I don’t even know what to say. Like—I wanted this for so long, an explanation, to know if it was because of me or something, but now that I know the truth I don’t feel like this is what I expected. It’s not your fault you do this for a living, but I guess this pill is kinda hard to swallow…”

“This is why I don’t tell people what I do,” Dean stated in a voice you didn’t like. It was a mix between making it your fault and being awfully patronizing. “No one understands this.”

“And that’s why you leave before you can even feel something?” You spat out in an even less friendly tone.

“Sometimes, but I loved you before I ran away,” he recognized, curling his lips into a soft smile. “I couldn’t help it,” there was something in the way he said it that made you uneasy and unable to be around him. Of course you’d sleep with him afterwards, but probably only sleeping.

“You’ll have to excuse me,” you climbed out of the bed and turned on the light on the night table. You looked around you, and grabbed your pajama bottoms to slide them back on, “but I think I need some time out. I’ll be outside for a while, okay?”

“Is _that_ how you wanna spend my last night here?” He questioned, making that same shit-eating expression he made when things didn’t go the way he liked. His eyebrows rising quickly, his mouth slightly open and his eyes looking at you from head to toe almost in an accusatory manner; you hated that expression with your whole life, and you hoped and prayed you’d never get to see it again.

“No, of course not,” you shook your head, “but sex is not gonna make up for how much I’m gonna miss you after you leave me again.”

“Come on, (Y/N). We were just talking, and now you got all sensitive,” he got up to try to stop you.

“Well allow me to get really fucking sensitive for a bit,” you rejected his touch by taking a step back, closer to the door, “because it’s not me who came out of the blue, unannounced, and with his unconscious brother on their shoulder,” you pointed an accusing finger at him. “It’s not me who came back after years, and it’s not me who’s gonna leave again.”

“You moved on, (Y/N),” he accused, walking towards you until you were trapped between him and the door. You couldn’t help to feel nervous to have him so near you, but you were too angry to fall for him.

“You told me to move on!” You yelled, using all your strength to push him back. Your nostrils flared, and your chest was heaving up and down from all the air trying to get to your lungs. “You told me to move on, Dean!” You pointed a menacing finger at him, maintaining the volume of your voice. You were angry, how dare he blame you for moving on? Damned Dean Winchester. “How do you think I felt when all I heard was you telling me to do that if one day you were gone…?” You asked in a softer voice, remembering his brother was, hopefully, fast asleep in the next room. You tightened your lips, trying to keep your tears held back.

Dean didn’t say anything, but he broke the distance between you to wrap his strong arms around your torso. You were doing the one thing you promised not to do again for him: break down. He patted your hair gently and the small of your back, and shushed to help you calm down. He was using all of his strength to not cry too, but his eyes were watery too.

“I’m sorry,” Dean whispered as you were still crying with your face hidden against his chest. “Hey, look at me,” he placed his hands on the sides of your face and made you look up at him. He brushed your tears with his thumbs and by the look on his face, you were sure he wasn’t ready to leave.

He took a few steps towards the closed door and pressed your body against it and leaned forward to kiss your lips. His hands quickly roamed down your torso to hold you by your waist. You arched your body against his, feeling the urge to have him closer and closer. He pushed your back against the door again to help you get up and wrap both your legs around his waist.

You held on for dear life to his broad shoulders as your lips melted with his. This wasn’t exactly what you wanted, because it would mean having a harder time letting go of his memory, but Dean was kissing the pain away and you couldn’t really complain.

Dean walked to the bed with you still in his arms and gently placed you on top of the beddings. He swiftly removed his shirt and tossed it away on the floor. He crawled over you, finding your needy lips once again, and as you opened your legs for him to settle, you could feel a growing bulge under you. You wanted him, for as long as you could, especially now that it was your last night together in, maybe, forever.

Dean helped you get rid of your clothes and he kicked away his pajama pants. You were ready and eager to receive him. You always were, and if it was going to be your last night together, you’d might as well make the most of it. He grabbed his hard-on and guided himself to your entrance. You gripped the covers of your bed tightly, feeling yourself being stretched by his manhood.

“Fuck,” you whispered softly, trying to remember Dean’s brother was sleeping in the next room.

Dean slowly pushed himself inside you. His head hung low and his jaw clenched, all good signs for you. He rocked his hips in a steady pace, hitting all the right places inside you. Sex with Dean Winchester after having any kind of fight was always the best. He pressed his forehead against yours, breathing heavily as he picked up the pace.

You were having a hard time remembering Sam was supposedly asleep, so Dean kissed to you muffle the moans that so eagerly escaped your lips. Dean’s thrusts were hard and quick, and when you took your hand to your clit, you knew the orgasm was just around the corner. You circled your bud fast, feeling ready to come, and Dean, somehow, managed to go faster and harder at you, making you cum so beautifully that you were unable to keep your back against the mattress.

Dean leaned forward to help you ride it out, while he was about to hit his orgasm too. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, clinging on to him with all the strength you had left. He grunted against your ear, sending shivers down your back. You placed your hands on the sides of his face and looked at him.

“I love you, Dean Winchester,” you whispered softly, trying to remain calm and hold the tears that threatened to come out. “I really do, and I’m sorry for not saying it earlier.”

“I love you too,” Dean’s eyes held a lot of tears too. “I really, really love you. And,” he pulled out and laid beside you, “and I really wish things had been different between us…”

“Don’t trouble yourself with that now, babe,” you smiled gently. “I’m gonna go get cleaned up, okay?” You yawned, Dean nodded and climbed out of bed to get his clothes back on.

You gave yourself a quick shower and came back to find Dean fast asleep. He must’ve been tired from all that he did in the morning besides getting you some groceries. You slid next to him, and almost out of pure instinct, he turned around and placed his arms around you; it was like he knew you belonged in his arms, and whether he was asleep or no, his body needed to have you near, even after all these years. You fell asleep soon after in the warmth of his embrace.


	6. Closing the door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sam, you sure you’re okay?” You asked, wanting to hear him say he didn’t feel so well so that the brothers could stay a bit longer, especially Dean. “You can always stay for more days if you want to take it slow—it goes for both of you.”

“Sam, you sure you’re okay?” You asked, wanting to hear him say he didn’t feel so well so that the brothers could stay a bit longer, especially Dean. “You can always stay for more days if you want to take it slow—it goes for both of you.”

“I’m really good, thanks,” Sam sighed and smiled softly at you. He didn’t give you any weird looks for having moaned loudly the night before, but since it was your house, you didn’t feel completely ashamed of that. “Besides, I’ve been enough of a nuisance as it is. You didn’t even know me, and you took me in anyway. Thanks, (Y/N). I’m really glad Dean knows you. And again, sorry for barging in on your days off. We must’ve really scared you.”

“Nah, it’s alright,” you placed a hand on his good bicep and squeezed it gently. “You take care, okay? No more dying. Now, come in here,” you opened your arms to welcome him in a warm hug which he replied gladly. “Call me, or just come if you need anything,” you told him.

“Will do,” he nodded and walked back to the car.

“Can I call or come if I need anything?” Dean asked from behind you. He had his old duffel bag on his shoulder, and an unsure look on his face. You guessed right away what he was thinking.

“Geez, I wish I could say no to you, Dean Winchester,” you sighed and folded your arms over your chest. “Tsk, tsk,” you shook your head. “But I have such a sweet spot for you, so of course you can come… Anytime.”

“I guess this is goodbye… I owed you one,” Dean mused after a small silence. “Come to think about it, I know why I didn’t do it before, this is way too hard,” Dean intertwined his fingers with yours, starting to have second thoughts about leaving you again. “I’m sorry for coming here unannounced. It must’ve been one hell of a surprise.”

“Indeed it was,” you nodded, “but a nice one after all. It helped me realize a lot of things and close a few chapters in my life, I guess.”

“If you ever feel in danger, call me,” Dean looked at you with a serious expression. “If you feel any weird thing, presence, spirit—anything. Call me and we’ll be here right away.”

“Will do,” you nodded, feeling a knot on your throat. “But can I call you if I miss you and I want to see you?” Dean tensed his jaw and looked away; he was keeping the answer you wouldn’t like. “Now go, go save the world. Go get em’, tiger.”

“You take care, alright?” You nodded again. “Okay…” he leaned forward to kiss you, and you slowly wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders, making the bag fall onto the floor. You wished you had a time machine to freeze this moment forever, or at least to play it on loop over and over again. His hands roamed to your waist, pulling you closer to his body, and his strong arms tightening the embrace, making it harder to let go of each other. “Call me,” he said, unwillingly breaking the kiss and pressing his forehead against yours. “If you have the tiniest hunch that something weird is going on…”

“Have a safe trip, check in every once in a while, and try not to die again,” your voice cracked.

“That last one I can’t promise,” he chuckled, pecking your lips swiftly and walking towards the pitch black Impala parked outside your house.

You waited until he got inside to wave the boys goodbye, and as they waved back, you realized that the wound in your heart called Dean was healed. You closed the door, just as you closed the chapter on the oldest Winchester.

**Author's Note:**

> Geez, it's only the second time I write soemthing in this fandom, so please forgive me if it's not good! I'm only on season 5, and the first time I watched I got to season 7. So yeah, I have a lot to catch up on. Anyways, I do hope you enjoy this multi part work which was only supposed to be a one shot (we're at 6k words and still climbing!)


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